Authentic Swing

In The Legend of Bagger Vance, the titular character, played beautifully by Will Smith, speaks to Rannulph Junnah about finding his "authentic swing." He speaks about finding the one swing that will put the ball where it's meant to go, where the tides and the wind and the turning of the Earth all come together as one, about finding the swing that ties into that oneness, finding it with your heart, your soul, instead of your head. About getting out of the way of that swing.

It's a metaphor. The authentic swing is your own true self. About finding your place in the Universe and letting yourself be there. About letting go of "wouldas and couldas and shouldas" - about just being who you are, wherever you are. Living the life you were meant to live to be in oneness with the world around you. Not living up to other people's expectations, not even about living up to your own. About just living. Finding the oneness in the now.

It's a zen lesson disguised as a golf movie.

I can watch it time and again, and every time, it strikes me the same way. And in different ways.

I'm a big believer in oneness, in living in the now. I try as much as possible to do exactly that. It's why I refuse social engagements more than a month in advance. I'm trying to enjoy this week. I can't enjoy this week if I'm thinking about six weeks from now. Six weeks from now, I might not want to do what I've obligated myself to do six weeks ago. Then I can't enjoy myself. Why spend six weeks not enjoying myself, when all I had to do was say No?

Life is meant to be lived. Shouldas and wouldas and couldas get in the way. Live now, not for One Day or Maybe If.

A year and a half ago, I faced a reality I had been denying for most of my adult life. I took a step and faced the facts. I made a conscious decision to accept who I am. To embrace it. It was a step toward finding my authentic swing.

I'm a geek. For the majority of my twenties it was something I felt I would grow out of, put behind me. Particularly when I graduated from school and found myself a 'real' job. At the time I was dating mostly geek-tolerant or geek-friendly women. It tied into my idea that I would find someone I could spend my life with, devoting myself to the 'serious' business of career and wife and family, putting my geekness aside, behind me.

But it wouldn't have been true to myself.

Being true to myself, being authentic, then, is directly related to my accepting, and wholeheartedly being, a geek. Not getting in my own way with a bunch of couldas and shouldas and wouldas. Not letting expectations ruin my living in the now.

Finding my authentic swing, my own true self.